I wish I could afford to to got Lei Out, Poultry Days, Potlatch, and Sandblast on top of playing club every year and go skiing at least once a year. I want new ski boots and skis. I want to visit other cities when my friends celebrate their birthdays and other holidays. I feel so selfish.
After I went to Mexico after my senior year of high school, I felt incredibly guilty whenever I wanted material possessions and tried to be as least materialistic as possible. Less than a week surrounded by children who had nothing and all I could feel was disgust at myself for desiring so much when I lacked so little. I didn’t want to go shopping; I felt guilty about the laptop I got for college; I judged those who were motivated by money.
So much has changed. I think part of it is me growing away from church and part of it is me realizing that my views weren’t realistic for everyone. At that point in my life, I thought I could give up the life I had and go move to a developing country and live amongst the natives, serving them in any way possible. Now, a part of me wishes that I could want that again, but my lifestyle has changed too much and as a person I’ve become more selfish.
I want to travel. I want to go to fun tournaments. I want to see my friends across the country. I don’t have the money to do all I want, but if I did, I don’t think I could give it up for things better than myself. Young promises are hard to keep.
